I’ve never liked Valentine’s Day. Even when I was dating, I never liked it. It’s a day that makes millions of people feel like shit and I just can’t get behind the idea of celebrating your love when there are singles grumpily prowling the streets ready to spew the contents of their stomachs at you at any given moment. Let me just come out and say it, okay?
I’ve been single for over a decade and watching super loved-up couples fondle each other in public makes me want to barf. Not only does it sicken me, it makes me realize just how lonely I am and no one wants to be reminded of that – ever.
If you’re in a relationship and you are happy, then I’m happy for you. Honestly and truly, I am. I just hate Valentine’s Day and I wish I could sleep right through it. Fine, celebrate your love at a swanky restaurant and buy each other expensive gifts and bouquets of flowers – that’s lovely. Just don’t do it in front of me.
When Valentine’s Day falls on a weekday, it’s the absolute worst. Last year I spent the day at my desk watching every single one of my female co-workers accept surprise floral deliveries from their partners and spouses. This literally lasted ALL DAMN DAY and I was the only one in my office who didn’t receive anything. All day I had to listen to women squealing about how naughty their boyfriends were for spending so much money on flowers – oh just shut the f**k up and give me those flowers if you don’t want them.
I reached a point that day when I had to get up from my desk, walk to the washroom as calmly as I could with clenched fists at my side, lock myself in a bathroom stall and cry tears of frustration and loneliness on the f**king toilet. How lame is that, ladies and gents? So, while everyone else around me was smiling and texting their partners about the great sex they were going to have that night, I was crying by myself in the loo.
Rather than risking the same thing happening this year (because, again, Valentine’s Day falls on a weekday), here’s what I’m going to do: I’m taking the day off. Actually, I’m taking TWO days off (just to make sure I miss Valentine’s Day and its afterglow completely). I’m going to sleep in, read in bed, and do absolutely anything I want to. I’m going to treat myself to two whole days of ME. I’ll probably watch countless hours of classic British comedies, make a couple jigsaw puzzles, and eat one bowl of cereal after another.
And I’m going to love it.
How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? Do you love it? Hate it? Do you wish someone would just outlaw it already? Have you ever cried on the toilet because of it? Leave me a comment and let’s talk about it.